The Annoyance of Exams

No-tivation

Exams always come at a time when you're out of gas, though I've been at that state for years. I certainly can do exams right now, but I really don't have any desire to do them.

I'm a Twentieth grader. I'm honestly sick of school, and I'm certainly sick of taking another round of exams.

This semester was slightly different since it was so top-heavy. I had four exams/final projects before the halfway mark, and I had/have four exams at the end. I just finished a take-home exam (not to mention the field ed final paperwork), so I have three to go.

However, you know what's really discouraging to me? I've taken over 260 credit hours and don't have a Masters degree.

I've taken way too many credits every semester, and I've definitely had Senioritis since late-high school. It's so discouraging to do so much work for so long and still be behind the curve. My schedule has always been nuts, and yet after taking over 260 credit hours, I only have a Bachelor's degree. I could easily have gotten a doctorate by now had I worked this hard toward an MA and a doctorate.

So yes, I see this as very discouraging, and this round of exams is yet another discouragement that I don't have anything after sprinting on fumes for the past 7+ years. This degree feels like an insurmountable burden.

I honestly care more about life. I would rather have been happily married with a wife and three kids by now, stopping education at high school, pastoring some podunk church in the middle of nowhere, than to be here, single, frustrated, feeling futureless. Personally, I would have rather been uneducated and happy than accomplished and sick of life. That's probably why I feel as if I've wasted every bit of my almost-25 years. Perhaps that's too cynical. Truly, the only thing getting me through this is the idea that it's continued preparation for God's call on my life.

On a final note, I'm sick of dreaming small. I don't function that way. I want to be done with this degree, and when I'm done, I'm going to stop dreaming small for good.